Surrender is not something that you can do -- it happens...

SURRENDER IS NOT SOMETHING THAT YOU CAN DO. If you do, it will be false and pseudo -- because the DOER will be there. And the doer has to be surrendered. What else is there to surrender? The idea of the doer and the idea of doing. The EGO has to be surrendered.

So this is the fundamental thing to be understood: you cannot do it, because if you do it you will remain behind it, and whatsoever you have done you can undo -- because you are still there. One day you can surrender; another day you can say, "No, I am not ready to surrender. I take it back. I resign. I withdraw." And what can God do? He cannot go to any court.

Surrender is not something that you can do -- it happens. That is the first thing to be understood -- it is a happening not a doing. How does it happen? When you are silent it happens, because when you are silent you are not. You are nothing but the continuous procession of thoughts in you.

It is like if you take a burning torch in your hand and you move it fast in a circle you will see a fire circle. The fire circle is false, it doesn't exist -- there is only the torch. Stop moving it and there is only the torch. But it moves so fast that it creates an illusion of a circle. Exactly like that: your thoughts are moving so fast that they are creating the illusion of an ego. Let the thoughts slow down a little and you will be surprised: there is nobody inside you. And let the thoughts disappear and you have disappeared with them.

In that silence is surrender. THAT SILENCE IS SURRENDER! Not that you DO it, but that suddenly you are not. When you are not, surrender is.

When you are in surrender, you will not know God -- you will know godliness. The whole existence will be full of godliness, overflowing with godliness. But remember the word 'godliness' -- a quality, like fragrance surrounding the flower, but not something objective you can hold, cling to. Not anything objective that you can see.

God is not known as a person or as an object: God is known as an overflowing of joy, an overflowing of energy, and not objective energy but subjectivity. God is known as the innermost core of your nothingness, the very hub of the wheel of your nothingness.

When you disappear, God is -- not as a person, not as an object, but as a totality. You are not separate from it: you are one with it.

You are the center of the cyclone. The cyclone is the mind. When you have seen the center, suddenly SURRENDER HAS HAPPENED. without any effort on your part. Because the ego is not found -- that is surrender.

In surrender, one finds God. Here the ego disappears, and immediately godliness appears all over. Then everything is divine, everything vibrates with godliness. Then life is utter benediction.

Sannyas is not a goal. Sannyas is an understanding that goals don't exist.

There is a zen story:

There was once a red-haired man who had no eyes and no ears. He also had no hair, so he was called red-haired only in a manner of speaking. One has to call him something.

He was not able to talk because he did not have a mouth. He had no nose either. He did not even have any arms or legs. He also did not have a stomach, and he did not have a back. And he did not have a spine, and he also did not have any other insides. He did not have anything in fact, so it is hard to understand who we are talking about. So we had better not talk about him any more.

By and by.... First you call him the red-haired man, because one has to call him something.

When you are moving in a worldly wheel, I invite you. I say, 'What are you doing there? Are you not going to try god?' You become greedy about god. You say, 'Okay. Here I am getting nothing, maybe there is something in god.' You jump out of the wheel. Then you ask me, 'What about god?'

I say, 'In fact nobody knows anything about him, whether he existed or not. It is just a manner of saying.' We call him the red-haired man because one has to call him something, mm?

Then by and by you go along with me, and by and by the story is revealed to you -- 'There was once a red-haired man who had no eyes and no ears. He also had no hair, so he was called red-haired only in a manner of speaking. He was not able to talk because he did not have a mouth. He had no nose either. He did not even have any arms or legs....'

By and by, the more you try to understand me, I become more and more truthful. The more I see that now you are getting in tune with me, there is no need to lie too much. 'He did not even have any arms or legs. He also did not have a stomach, and he did not have a back....'

And when I see that you are not disturbed, you are listening to the story well up to now, then I say, '... and he didn't have a spine.' I have to move very cautiously because you can become afraid and go back to your wheel.

'And he also did not have any insides...' When I see that up to now you have come... and of course you feel a little puzzled, but now the truth can be said...'He didn't have anything. So it is hard to understand who we are talking about. So we had better not talk about him any more.' About whom? -- about the red-haired man.

Hinduism, Christianity, Judaism, they start the story -- they talk about the red-haired man -- and Buddha ends it... nobody, not even you.
He says, first drop ambition, drop desires. Don't think you are the body, don't think you are the mind; then don't think you are the self. Then in fact we should not talk about you because you are not.

By and by we go on eliminating. First we say, drop worldly goals -- because it will be too much to tell you to drop all goals; you will not understand. You can understand that worldly goals should be dropped because you have suffered much and nothing has come out of it; you are frustrated. You say, 'Okay. I was also thinking to drop it.' And you say, 'Good, so I will change. I will drop the worldly goals. Now I will look for god, heaven and paradise.' And I go on laughing inside me. I say, 'Okay, first drop these, then we will see.'

Once you have dropped those, then by and by I will persuade you to drop god, self, nirvana, moksha. Because when every goal is dropped, then only you are in tune.

The goal is a jarring note. The goal simply says you are missing. The goal says there is some condition which has to be fulfilled, only then can you become happy.

When all goals disappear and life is not looked on as a desire project, when life is not thought of as a work and becomes play, leela, then... then you are at home. Then you have arrived.

LEARN THE THREE DIFFICULTIES...

There are three difficulties in becoming aware. These are very essential for each seeker to understand. In fact everybody becomes aware, but only when the act is finished. You have been angry -- you slapped your wife or you threw a pillow at your husband. Later on when the heat is cooled, the moment has passed, you become aware. But now it is pointless, now nothing can be done. What has been done cannot be undone; it is too late.

Three things are to be remembered. One is becoming aware while the act is happening. That is the first difficulty for the person who wants to become aware -- becoming aware in the act itself.

Anger is there like smoke inside you. Becoming aware in the very thick of it, that is the first difficulty, but it is not impossible. Just a little effort and you will be able to catch hold of it. In the beginning you will see, you become aware when the anger has gone and everything has cooled -- you become aware after fifteen minutes. Try -- you will become aware after five minutes. Try a little more -- you will become aware immediately after one minute. Try a little more, and you will become aware just when the anger is evaporating. Try a little more, and you will become aware exactly in the middle of it. And that is the first step: be aware in the act.

Then the second step, which is even more difficult because now you are going into deeper waters. The second step, or the second difficulty is remembering before the act: when the act has not yet happened but is still a thought in you; it has not been actualized but it has become a thought in your mind. It is there, potentially there like a seed; it can become the act any moment.

Now you will need a little more subtle awareness. The act is gross -- you hit the woman. You can become aware while you are hitting, but the idea of hitting is far more subtle. Thousands of ideas go on passing in the mind -- who takes note of them? They go on and on; the traffic continues. Most of those ideas never become acts.

This is the difference between sin and crime. Crime is when something becomes an act. No law court can punish you for a thought. You can think of murdering somebody but no law can punish you. You can enjoy, you can dream, but you are not under law unless you act, unless you do something and the thought is transformed into actuality; then it becomes a crime.

But religion goes deeper. It says when you think it, it is already a sin. Whether you actualize it or not does not matter -- you have committed it in your inner world and you are affected by it, you are contaminated by it, you are blemished by it.

The second difficulty is to catch hold when the thought is arising in you. It can be done, but it can be done only when you have crossed the first barrier, because thought is not so solid. But still it is solid enough to be seen; you have to just practice a little bit. Sitting silently, just watch your thoughts. Just see all the nuances of a thought -- how it arises, how it takes form, how it remains, abides, and how then it leaves you. It becomes a guest and then when the time comes it leaves you. And many thoughts come and go; you are a host where many thoughts come and go. Just watch.

Don't try from the very beginning with the difficult thoughts, try with simple thoughts. That will make it easier, because the process is the same. Just sit in the garden, close your eyes and see whatsoever thought is passing -- and they are always passing. The dog barks in the neighborhood, and immediately a process of thought starts in you. You suddenly remember a dog you had in your childhood and how much you had loved that dog, and then the dog died, and how you suffered.

Then comes the idea of death, and the dog is forgotten and you remember the death of your mother. And with the idea of the mother suddenly you remember your father. And things go on and on. Just the whole thing was triggered by a foolish dog who is not even aware that you are sitting in your garden, who is simply barking because he knows nothing else to keep himself occupied. His barking is nothing but politicking -- his politics, power politics.

That's why dogs are very much against uniforms. The policeman, the postman, the sannyasin -- and the dogs are very angry. They don't tolerate uniforms. How dare you walk in uniform, trying to dominate them? They are angry against policemen and people like that.

He was not aware of you, he has not barked for you especially, but a chain was triggered. Watch these simple chains, and then slowly slowly try them with more emotionally involved things. You are angry, you are greedy, you are jealous -- just catch hold of yourself in the middle of the thought. That is the second difficulty.

And the third difficulty is to catch hold of this process, which results ultimately in an act, before it becomes a thought. That is the most difficult; right now you cannot even conceive of it. Before anything becomes a thought, it is a feeling. These are the three things: feeling comes first, then comes thought, then comes the act. You may not be aware at all that each thought is produced by a certain feeling. If the feeling is not there, the thought will not come. Feeling becomes actualized in thought, thought becomes actualized in the act.

Now you have to do the almost impossible thing -- to catch hold of a certain feeling. Have you not watched sometimes? You don't really know why you are feeling a little disturbed; there is no real thought that can be caught as the cause, but you are disturbed, you feel disturbed. Something is getting ready underground, some feeling is gathering force. Sometimes you feel sad. There is no reason to feel sad, and there is no thought to provoke it; still the sadness is there, a generalized feeling. That means a feeling is trying to come above ground, the seed of the feeling is sending its leaves out of the ground.

If you are able to become aware of the thought, then sooner or later you will become aware of the subtle nuances of the feeling. These are the three difficulties.

LEARN THE THREE DIFFICULTIES.

And if you can do these three things, suddenly you will fall into the deepest core of your being.

Only those who are not in prayer can pray...

It happened: In the sea there was a ship, a ship which was carrying many Mohammedans to Mecca. They were on a pilgrimage. They were all surprised by one thing: because they were all pilgrims going to the holy of holies, each was praying all the five prayers prescribed for a Mohammedan every day -- except a Sufi mystic. But the mystic was so radiant with joy that nobody dared to ask him why.

Then one day the sea was very rough and the captain declared, "There seems to be no possibility that we can be saved, so please do your last prayer. The ship is going to sink." And everybody fell in prayer except the Sufi mystic.

Now this was too much. Many people gathered around the mystic. They were really angry and they said, "You are a man of God. We have watched you, you have never prayed. But we didn't say anything; we felt that this would be disrespectful -- you are thought to be a holy man. But now it is unbearable. The ship is sinking, and you are a man of God -- if you pray, your prayer will be listened to. Why are you not praying?"

The mystic said, "To pray out of fear is to miss the whole point, that's why I am not praying."

And then they asked, "Then why did you not pray when there was no question of fear?"

He said, "I am in prayer, so I cannot pray. Only those who are not in prayer can pray. But what is the point of their prayer? Empty rituals! I am in prayer, in fact I am prayer. Each moment is a prayer."

Excuses and excuses and excuses...

The ordinary mind always throws the responsibility on somebody else. It is always the other who is making you suffer. Your wife is making you suffer, your husband is making you suffer, your parents are making you suffer, your children are making you suffer, or the financial system of the society, capitalism, communism, fascism, the prevalent political ideology, the social structure, or fate, karma, God... you name it.

People have millions of ways to shirk responsibility. But the moment you say somebody else -- x, y, z -- is making you suffer, then you cannot do anything to change it. What can you do? When the society changes and communism comes and there is a classless world, then everybody will be happy. Before it, it is not possible. How can you be happy in a society which is poor? And how can you be happy in a society which is dominated by the capitalists? How can you be happy with a society which is bureaucratic? How can you be happy with a society which does not allow you freedom?

Excuses and excuses and excuses -- excuses just to avoid one single insight that "I am responsible for myself. Nobody else is responsible for me; it is absolutely and utterly my responsibility. Whatsoever I am, I am my own creation."

Once this insight settles: "I am responsible for my life -- for all my suffering, for my pain, for all that has happened to me and is happening to me -- I have chosen it this way; these are the seeds that I sowed and now I am reaping the crop; I am responsible" -- once this insight becomes a natural understanding in you, then everything else is simple. Then life starts taking a new turn, starts moving into a new dimension. That dimension is conversion, revolution, mutation -- because once I know I am responsible, I also know that I can drop it any moment I decide to. Nobody can prevent me from dropping it.

Can anybody prevent you from dropping your misery, from transforming your misery into bliss? Nobody. Even if you are in a jail, chained, imprisoned, nobody can imprison you; your soul still remains free.

Of course you have a very limited situation, but even in that limited situation you can sing a song. You can either cry tears of helplessness or you can sing a song. Even with chains on your feet you can dance; then even the sound of the chains will have a melody to it.

Firstly, Take the whole responsibility on yourself. Secondly: Be grateful to everyone. Now that nobody is responsible for your misery except you, if it is all your own doing, then what is left?

BE GRATEFUL TO EVERYONE.

Because everybody is creating a space for you to be transformed -- even those who think they are obstructing you, even those whom you think are enemies. Your friends, your enemies, good people and bad people, favorable circumstances, unfavorable circumstances -- all together they are creating the context in which you can be transformed and become a buddha. Be grateful to all.

whenever you try to perform something, you are searching food for the ego

A foolish man comes to you and says you are very intelligent. And in fact, you can look intelligent only to a foolish man. If he is more intelligent than you, of course, you will not look intelligent to him. So a foolish man comes and certifies your intelligence, and you are very happy. You can look beautiful only to an ugly man. If he is more beautiful than you, you will look ugly -- because it is all relative. And you are certified by ugly people that you are beautiful, and you are tremendously happy.

What type of intelligence is this which has to be certified by foolish people? What type of beauty is this which has to be certified by ugly people? It is completely false. It is idiotic. But we go on searching. We go on searching in the outside world to find some support for our ego, somebody to give a little support, to become a prop. Otherwise there is always the danger that our ego will collapse. So we have to support it from this side and from that and continuous worry arises.

That's why you are more graceful when you are alone -- because you are not worried. Nobody is there to see you. You are more innocent when you are alone -- in your bathroom you are more innocent, you are more like a child. Again you stand before the mirror and make faces, and you enjoy it. But if you become aware that your small child is looking through the keyhole, immediately you are totally different. Now the ego is at stake. That's why people are so much afraid of others. Alone, there is no anxiety.

There is a famous Zen story:

A Zen master was making a painting, and he had his chief disciple sit by his side to tell him when the painting was perfect. The disciple was worried and the master was also worried, because the disciple had never seen the master do anything imperfect. But that day things started going wrong. The master tried, and the more he tried, the more it was a mess.

In Japan or in China, the whole art of calligraphy is done on rice-paper, on a certain paper, a very sensitive paper, very fragile. If you hesitate a little, for centuries it can be known where the calligrapher hesitated -- because more ink spreads into the rice-paper and makes it a mess. It is very difficult to deceive on rice-paper. You have to go on flowing; you are not to hesitate. Even for a single moment. split moment, if you hesitate -- what to do? -- missed, already missed. And one who has a keen eye will immediately say, "It is not a Zen painting at all" -- because a Zen painting has to be a spontaneous painting, flowing.

The master tried and tried and the more he tried -- he started perspiring. And the disciple was sitting there and shaking his head again and again negatively: 'No, this is not perfect.' And more and more mistakes were being made by the master.

Then the ink was running out so the master said, "You go out and prepare more ink." While the disciple was outside preparing the ink, the master did his masterpiece. When he came in he said, "Master, but this is perfect! What happened?"

The master laughed; he said, "I became aware of one thing: your presence. The very idea that somebody is there to appreciate or to condemn, to say no or yes, disturbed my inner tranquility. Now I will never be disturbed. I have come to know that I was trying to make it perfect and that was the only reason for its not being perfect."

Try to make something perfect and it will remain imperfect. Do it naturally and it is always perfect. Nature is perfect; effort is imperfect. So whenever you are doing something too much, you are destroying.

That's why it happens: everybody talks so beautifully; everybody is a talker; people talk their whole life -- but just put them on a platform and tell them to talk to a crowd, and suddenly they become dumb; suddenly they forget everything, suddenly they cannot utter a single word. Or, even if they do utter, it is not graceful, it is not natural, it is not flowing. What has happened? And you have known this man talking so beautifully to his friends, to his wife, to his children. These are also people, the same people -- why are you afraid? You have become self-conscious. Now the ego is at stake: you are trying to perform something.

Listen carefully: whenever you try to perform something, you are searching food for the ego. Whenever you are natural and let things happen, they are perfect, and then there is no problem. When you are natural and let things happen, God is at the back with you. When you are afraid, trembling, trying to prove something, you have lost God. In your fear, you have forgotten Him. You are looking more at the people and you have forgotten your source. Self-consciousness becomes a weakness. A person who is unself-conscious is strong, but his strength has nothing to do with himself -- it comes from the beyond.